Laughter is the best medicine, and these freaky mood quotes are guaranteed to make you laugh… and maybe smile a little too.

Freaky Mood Quotes

These quotes are from famous people (and a few not-so-famous people), and they’re all guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Enjoy!

1. “The best thing that ever happened to me was when I met you. You gave me the courage to be who I am.” — Unknown

2. “When I was a kid, I used to dream of being a doctor or a lawyer, and then I grew up and became a dentist.” —Jay Leno

3. “There’s nothing better than a good cry. If you don’t have time to do it, just go to a movie.” —Woody Allen

4. “I am an only child. I was an only child until I married. Then I had a whole lot of brothers.” —Mark Twain

5. “I’m not a morning person, but I am a morning car driver.” —Mick Jagger

6. “I’ve had a lot of girlfriends in my life, but I’ve never had a best friend. It’s hard to find someone who knows all your little quirks, habits, and idiosyncrasies. Someone who will always be there for you no matter what.” —Kristin Davis

7. “You know, I don’t think that I’ll ever get over you. You were the one that got away.” —Kelsey Grammer

8. “I love you because you are you, and I like you just the way you are.” —Rita Mae Brown

9. “I’m going to have to go through life with a chip on my shoulder.” —Woody Allen

10. “When I was young, I wanted to be older so I could drink. Now that I’m older, I wish I was younger so I could drink.” —Woody Allen

11. “My father always said to me, ‘Son, if you find a girl who loves you and you love her, you’ll be happy. But if you find a girl who loves you, but you don’t love her, then you’re better off finding a boy who doesn’t love you.’ I’m still looking.” —Lenny Bruce

12. “You know, I’ve had a lot of girlfriends in my life, but I’ve never had a best friend. Someone who will always be there for you no matter what.” —Kristin Davis

13. “It’s always easier to fall in love with an ugly girl than an ugly boy.” —Woody

14. “What is the difference between a man who has no imagination and me? It’s that I can admit it when I am wrong.” —Anonymous

15. “I was born on a Saturday. And I have been afraid of Mondays ever since.” — Anonymous

16. “The worst thing that can happen to a woman is for a man to not find her attractive. A man will do anything to avoid this. Even if it means giving up his dignity.” — Anonymous

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17. “I’ve had many, many affairs. But only two serious relationships in my entire life.” —Mitch Hedberg

18. “I don’t believe in the concept of a soul mate. I think everyone is paired off with someone who is ‘the right fit for them.” —Oprah Winfrey

19. “It takes a village to raise a child. It takes just one to spoil him.” —Anonymous

20. “The first step toward solving a problem is admitting you have one.” —Anonymous

21. “Never lend your true love an empty can. It will come back to you filled with snakes.” —Anonymous

22. “Never believe any woman who tells you she doesn’t care if you have a big penis. She is either a lying bitch, or else she is so sexually deprived that she is desperate for some cock. Either way, she will ruin your life.” —Anonymous

23. “Marriage is like a bad porn movie. You keep waiting for the part where everything gets hot and heavy, but it just keeps getting sad and weird.” —Anonymous

24. “It takes two to make an argument. It takes three to make a conversation.” —Anonymous

25. “Don’t ask me what I did when I was younger. I don’t want to tell you. It was too freaky.” –Dr. Seuss

26. “It is a funny thing about life. You are never given a second chance to make a first impression.” –W. Somerset Maugham

27. “Life is what happens while you are making other plans.” –John Lennon

28. “You can’t be serious,” I said. “It’s a joke!” He said, “No, it’s a joke.” I said, “I’m going to go home and laugh so hard that I’ll wet my pants.” And I did.” — Dr. Seuss

29. “A man who has a good memory for names is never out of work.” –Anonymous

30. “He who laughs last, laughs best.” –Benjamin Franklin

31. “The secret of happiness is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” –Soren Kierkegaard

32. “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic, and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.” — Joseph Goebbels

33. “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.” — Alice Roosevelt Longworth

34. “In this world, there are two tragedies. One is not to find the answer you were looking for; the other is to find it after you’ve given up.” — Theodor Geisel

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35. “I think the only thing worse than getting old is never getting old.” — Dorothy Parker

36. “Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you can’t do something. You bet they can! Just watch me.” — Dr. Seuss

37. “I don’t care if I go out with a bang or a whimper. Either way, I’m going to make a sound.” — The Goonies

38. “All the world is a stage and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one of them maybe you.” —Shakespeare

39. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans for the future.” —Will Rogers

40. “The trouble with having kids is that eventually, you end up being one.” — John Carlton

41. “I don’t want to sound conceited, but… I honestly believe that most good ideas come to me while I’m asleep.” —Woody Allen

42. “I’m not getting any younger, and I have a feeling I’m going to need some of this stuff when I’m up against it.” — Jimmy Buffet

43. “I am just a simple man trying to make a buck.” —Rodney Dangerfield

44. “I think everybody should have a good cry at least once every day. It’s good for the body, the mind and the soul.” —Mitch Hedberg

45. “When I look in the mirror, I don’t see the same person who used to come home from work every day. I see someone who has lost his way. I don’t recognize the man my wife married.” — Dave Barry

46. “I’ve had women chasing me for years. But they never catch me. I always pull away just enough to make them crazy. Then I go hide in a crowd and watch them go crazy.” — Jay Abraham

47. “When God made men, he made them equal but then he gave us different gifts. Like the gift of speech so we could communicate. But sometimes, that gift of speech gets in the way of our ability to communicate emotions.” — Dave Barry

48. “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat.” —Wendy Lutton

49. “If you don’t have anything nice to say… don’t say anything at all.” — Anonymous

50. “I have a confession to make I’m not as smart as I look.” –Kurt Vonnegut

51. “Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with myself.” —Thelma Todd

52. “I’m just a big old crybaby. I can’t help it.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald

53. “I’m afraid that if I don’t go through with this, I will never be able to face myself again.” —David Letterman

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54. “I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” —Thomas Jefferson

55. “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” —William Shakespeare

56. “I’m not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” —Angelita Lim

57. “I was in love with my wife for years before we got married. After that, I never had any trouble finding other women.” —Dr. Seuss

58. “If you are lucky enough to have children, you will have learned that the worst thing you can do to them is to lie to them.” —Bill Cosby

59. “I’ve been so lonely I could die.” —Gloria Gaynor

60. “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” — African Proverb

61. “There is a fine line between love and hate. That line is called indifference.” —R.E.M.

62. “The first step toward recovery is admitting you have a problem.” —Anonymous

63. “I don’t know if you know this, but I am a very good judge of character.” —Judge Reinhold

64. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” —James Thurber

65. “I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” —Angelita Lim

66. “We all know that laughter is the best medicine. But when it comes to a broken heart, it’s better to be crying.” — Unknown

67. “I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t make me laugh.” — Unknown

68. “I’m sorry for being so mean to you in the past. I was just being a bitch.” —Unknown

69. “I love you because you’re freaky and different.” —Unknown

70. “You are what you do. You can’t change that. But you can choose how you respond.” —Unknown

71. “I’m a freak. I’m a weirdo. I’m a one of a kind.” —Unknown

72. “If you want to see the future, look at the past. If you want to see the past, look at the future.” —Unknown

73. “I don’t know why I am so happy, I’m just happy.” — Unknown

74. “You know what they say, ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’ Well, the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach too.” — Unknown

75. “When you’re married, you should never argue about who gets up first to pee in the morning.” — Unknown

76. “If you ever start thinking that you’re not going to die, you’ve got another thing coming.” — Unknown

77. “I can’t wait to see the look on your face when I tell you I’m pregnant.” — Unknown

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